about
Plastic Jesus was written by Ed Rush and George Cromarty, who recorded it as The Goldcoast Singers in 1962. A tongue-in-cheek satire, Rush said the song was inspired by a Texas radio personality who “sold the most outrageous stuff imaginable, all with magical healing properties.”
Musically, this arrangement is a significant recomposition of the original, taking more stylistic cues from the country blues-inflected renditions of Tia Blake and The Local Honeys than it does from The Goldcoast Singers. A new fingerstyle guitar part provides the song’s rhythmic and harmonic foundation; it also helps articulate form by introducing each of the piece’s three macro-level sections. In the middle section, a new vocal melody is introduced and developed before sounding simultaneously with the original vocal melody, creating a more sophisticated counterpoint than the sort of readymade parallel vocal harmonies that characterize much Western popular music.
New lyrics crank up the satire to a scathing 11. Two new stanzas paint a first-person caricature of Christians whose actions and attitudes do not align with their religion’s teaching to “love your neighbor as yourself.” More damning is the spoken
reading of the biblical First and Second Commandments, in which the Judeo-Christian God explicitly forbids “any likeness of anything that is in heaven above,” elucidating the titular Christ figurine as not just lighthearted comedy kitsch, but a full-blown symbol of Christian hypocrisy, to say nothing of the countless images of Whitewashed Jesus throughout history.
To be clear, I have no inherent problem with Christians or Christianity in general. I do, however, take issue with hypocrites who claim to follow a religion that preaches unconditional love for all people yet act out of bigotry and hate. I have seen more racist, homophobic, transphobic, and misogynistic behavior from hypocritical Christians than non-Christians. I’ve heard more harrowing first-hand stories of religious violence and trauma as an adult than I’d ever guessed possible as a child growing up in an atheist home. I humbly dedicate this modest piece to all victims of abuse perpetrated in the name of religion.
lyrics
(Refrain)
I don’t care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my Plastic Jesus
Sittin’ on the dashboard o’ my car
Comes in colors, pink and pleasant
Glows in the dark, he’s phosphorescent
Sittin’ on the dashboard o’ my car
I’m in the backseat sinnin’
Jesus up there grinnin’
With me always goin’ near or far
Green, white, pink, or yellow
I don’t care ‘cause he’s my fellow
Sittin’ on the dashboard o’ my car
(Verse)
I don’t read that book, I don’t want no lesson
I ain’t got time for no self-reflection
Lyin’ every time I wish you well
I don’t love my neighbor, I ain’t got none
Get offa my land or I’ll get my shotgun and
Blow your ass away and laugh like hell
I won’t beg forgiveness, I ain’t sinnin’
Burnin’ books and queers and witches
I can do no wrong when God’s with me
Plastic Jesus, bless all I do
By my sword I’ll make them love you
When they turn I’ll slap the other cheek
(Refrain)
No, I don’t care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my Plastic Jesus
Sittin’ on the dashboard o’ my car
Comes in colors, pink and pleasant
Glows in the dark, he’s phosphorescent
Sittin’ on the dashboard o’ my car
Now I’m in the backseat sinnin’
Jesus up there grinnin’
With me always goin’ near or far
Green, white, pink, or yellow
I don’t care ‘cause he’s my fellow
Sittin’ on the dashboard o’ my car
(Interlude)
“You shall have no other gods before me.
You shall not make for yourself an idol
Or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above
On the earth beneath, or in the water under the earth.
You shall not worship them or serve them.
For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God.”
(Abridged Refrain)
I don’t care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my Plastic Jesus
Sittin’ on the dashboard o’ my car
Green, white, pink, or yellow
I don’t care ‘cause he’s my fellow
Sittin’ on the dashboard o’ my car
credits
released May 20, 2022
By Ed Rush and George Cromarty
arranged and performed by Samuel William Novak
license
all rights reserved
